Sometimes I think I like the idea of running more than actually running, and I don't even run much when I run. I LOVE race day. I love the sound of it, the feel of it, the butterflies in my stomach.... knowing that I HAVE to finish that race. I think that is why I sign up for races even when I know I haven't, and truthfully probably won't, train for them. It makes me get out and do the distance, even if I am last, I finished. I did it!
The day to day is harder, there is less motivation and more opportunity to procrastinate. I have plenty of reasons to do it tomorrow. So, I keep saying "tomorrow" and then the tomorrows become weeks and months and I still haven't done anything productive. Next thing I know it's race day and I am thinking back on all the times I should have, and could have, trained and didn't. I have knocked back Half marathons to 10ks that should have been 5ks, but I managed. I want to do ONE race the right way, to get off my asses, yes, I feel I have two, and really train and get it done, just to see what I can accomplish if I actually TRAIN! If I can finish a 5k, 10k, Half and even a marathon with the half ass training I have so far, what can I actually accomplish with real training behind me? Yet even as I say that, I wonder if I will ever actually do it. I don't do running groups. I have tried, the one I did left me feeling even worse about my "running", never a good feeling to be in a "beginner" 5k program and have almost everyone running just about the whole thing except you. I don't compare myself to others, I believe everyone is on their own journey, and this is mine. I know there are faster people than I am, and there are some that are slower, I just want to get out of my own head enough to see where I REALLY can be.... Anywho... just a little venting today.... maybe someone else has felt the same.... in the mean time, I am going to go walk some today in memory of those that gave all for me to have the freedom to do so. Happy Memorial Day. Take a moment and remember the reason.
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AuthorThis is the story of me... a Back of the Pack runner that started this journey a few years ago then lost her way. I am starting over and you are invited along for the ride! The highs, lows, wins and lessons, and most likely some venting!! Welcome!! Archives
May 2017
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