Sometimes I think I like the idea of running more than actually running, and I don't even run much when I run. I LOVE race day. I love the sound of it, the feel of it, the butterflies in my stomach.... knowing that I HAVE to finish that race. I think that is why I sign up for races even when I know I haven't, and truthfully probably won't, train for them. It makes me get out and do the distance, even if I am last, I finished. I did it!
The day to day is harder, there is less motivation and more opportunity to procrastinate. I have plenty of reasons to do it tomorrow. So, I keep saying "tomorrow" and then the tomorrows become weeks and months and I still haven't done anything productive. Next thing I know it's race day and I am thinking back on all the times I should have, and could have, trained and didn't. I have knocked back Half marathons to 10ks that should have been 5ks, but I managed. I want to do ONE race the right way, to get off my asses, yes, I feel I have two, and really train and get it done, just to see what I can accomplish if I actually TRAIN! If I can finish a 5k, 10k, Half and even a marathon with the half ass training I have so far, what can I actually accomplish with real training behind me? Yet even as I say that, I wonder if I will ever actually do it. I don't do running groups. I have tried, the one I did left me feeling even worse about my "running", never a good feeling to be in a "beginner" 5k program and have almost everyone running just about the whole thing except you. I don't compare myself to others, I believe everyone is on their own journey, and this is mine. I know there are faster people than I am, and there are some that are slower, I just want to get out of my own head enough to see where I REALLY can be.... Anywho... just a little venting today.... maybe someone else has felt the same.... in the mean time, I am going to go walk some today in memory of those that gave all for me to have the freedom to do so. Happy Memorial Day. Take a moment and remember the reason.
1 Comment
Andrea
5/29/2017 11:57:34 am
My Mom always said start in the middle, start at the beginning, start at the end - just start. I think she was very wise in those words. Starting is always the most difficult part of any journey. I am so proud of you, and your blog, your journeys and your tenacity. You can do anything you set your mind to, it's just to start. You've got the mindset, the "what if" questions, and have now spoken it. You've got this, my friend. ❤
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AuthorThis is the story of me... a Back of the Pack runner that started this journey a few years ago then lost her way. I am starting over and you are invited along for the ride! The highs, lows, wins and lessons, and most likely some venting!! Welcome!! Archives
May 2017
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